I'm a (Foundation) Fraud

Haha.  *wilts*

I don't understand how people have their foundation undertones and color matches so well identified.  Life would be so much easier if I were a generic pinky beige color, right?  Right?  Every counter, every drugstore brand - BLAM!  perfect match!

Sadly, Belly is a riot of pinks, reds and yellows on the face.  And then my neck and chest being something else altogther.  Actually, this is all just a cry for help.  Help.  Help me.

I don't wear MAC foundations, so when I write things like "oh blablablabla, I am about an NC15-20", I really have no clue.  At one point (a few points), I actually did go get matched at MAC and the color matches were wildly differing.  Once I was matched to Pro Longwear in NC20.  I applied it all over my face and as soon as I went outside, I was horrified at the orange.  I mean ORANGE.  And then at a pro store, which was a setting full of natural light, I was matched to some dark NW something.  I guesstimate I am NC15-20 based on the fact that NC20 was dark and orange and NW made me cry.

Anyway, warm weather is coming and I am of course in the market for something new and shiny for my foundation and I've always had a hankering for MAC Face & Body.  To make it even more puzzling for me is it doesn't come in NC or NW, they do N and C.  *furtively glances at the student next to me to cheat off their paper*

I've consulted with the real gurus of Makeupalley and searched through various blogs and stuff to understand this N and C business.  Also noted that some blog get them all wrong, too.  Let me just put this out there as another example of me not being a guru (or reliable), but then again, many people aren't either.

Yesterday I walked over to my nearest MAC counter to look at Face & Body.  C1 and N1 appeared to be close enough depth wise to my current sad faded skintone.  I think the mass of salespersons there could smell I was desperate for a sample, so they wouldn't help me.  D:

MAC Face & Body C1 (L); N1 (R)
I helped myself to giant blobs on my hand and then smeared streaks on my face.  The center of my face is darker and rather pink.  This explains when I get matched to NW and dark.  My neck is very pale and yellow and I have pale pink tones on my chest.  I are a patchwork of the rainbows!  I always try smears on the side of my face, which is the least irritated and red.

N1 on the left (closest to my ear); C1 on the right
Halps?  Undertone wise, does it look my N1 or C1 better?  And both dried darker and then why does white come in such a giant bottle anyway?!  *angrily knocks over bottles of N1, C1, White in undertone confusion*
Bwhahaha, I actually recieved unanimous consensus from makeupalley, but I totally want to go the other way.  I'm crazy.
What's your foundation matching strategy?  Any tactics that work best for you in getting the best match.  Teach meh, plz.

What Color Am I: the MAC Face & Body Edition - More Again Again

If I Did Tutorials, It Would Go Something Like This